Well this is the morning and it’s time to go there ya’ll. I pray you are awed by the beauty of the flowers, touched by a gentle breeze and reveling in a peaceful, knowing freedom. I am so grateful for this transcendent community called cyberspace and blessed by the love, correction, wisdom and support I/NUMN continuously receives from all of you. You are the light seen around the world; it shines through each and every one of you. Thank you.
I found myself sitting on the front porch apologizing to my dad the other day. Yeah, the same dad I’ve told ya’ll so much about previously. Wanted to share it with you instantly, but even in that freeing moment, it seemed a little strange to me too. I was reading Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth” and suddenly I knew it was never my dad’s, or my mom’s for that matter, intention to cause me pain. I’m not talking about understood in an intellectualized kind of way; I’m talking revelation- Stockholm syndrome erasing, generational curse breaking, nagging little voice silencing- knowing. The dad that I wanted so desperately to value me, to feed my need for love, could not. He couldn’t see me, couldn’t see himself through the veil/armor of his own pain.
It makes me cry to realize that I’ve done to him what he did to me. I failed to see his desperate need for love and compassion, because I could only see my dad through the filter of my experience, what he’s done to me, how he’d abandoned me and let me down. I could only see the way his pain affected me. I don’t think I ever before considered how it affected him.
I thought I’d done all the forgiveness stuff long ago. After all I was no longer angry at him or crippled by the legacy. I had solid proof the God was turning misery to ministry. I mean check it out, ya’ll know me; ya’ll know NUMN. We’re doing some good things and growing in the right direction. Folks are listening, participating and we’re starting to make a difference. Clearly, the stumbling blocks rooted in the past are overcome. Can ya’ll say, “delusional”? LOL Could be still. That’s the funny thing about growth; you never know what a flower is going to look like until it unfolds.
Take a moment today to contemplate our interdependence, to look beyond the veils and masks that falsely separate us. Give to another that which you long most deeply for and let freedom truly ring.
Like everyone else Not Ur Momma’s News will be honoring Michael Jackson in our Tuesday edition. We are inviting you to share your memories and tributes with your entire NUMN family. Please send your remarks to publisher@noturmommasnews.com no later than Monday, July 6th at 12 PM
Posted By: Michelle Diane
Saturday, July 4th 2009 at 12:57PM
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